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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Scientists Developing Heat-Resistant Chickens To Withstand Climate Change

Scientists at the University of Delaware are working on breeding chickens with a lack of feathers on their necks, a trait that makes them more heat-resistant, as part of an effort to create animals that can withstand climate change. What do you think?

  • “And here I was worried about climate change this whole time. I feel so stupid.”

    Erin Carmichael Campground Coordinator
  • “If this research leads to some kind of monstrous super-chicken that’s comfortable at all temperatures, then God help us all.”

    David Robertson Spa Towel Folder
  • “How much to upgrade the chicken I already got?”

    Barry Haas Unemployed

More from this section

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

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