Scientists Developing Heat-Resistant Chickens To Withstand Climate Change

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Vol 50 Issue 18

Area Man Nervously Asks Girlfriend If She’ll Settle

WASHINGTON—Visibly anxious after bringing his longtime girlfriend to local pub The Bier Baron, area man Noel Johnson reportedly got down on one knee Friday and finally mustered the courage to ask Amanda Spaid whether she was willing to settle for hi...

Bodybuilder's Veins Now Outside Of His Skin

A poll finds 56% of voters think the country is better off than it was 4 eons ago, a brutally honest new Revlon ad campaign reminds customers you can’t change who you are, and a bodybuilder’s veins are now outside of his skin.

McDonald’s Testing Do-It-Yourself Seasoned Fries

McDonald’s confirmed they’re testing do-it-yourself seasoned french fries, which customers assemble by pouring packets of flavoring onto the fries in a special mixing bag, a concept that was introduced by Burger King in 2002 and failed.

Bus Rider Acting Like Fight Not Happening 4 Feet Away

CHICAGO—Steadfastly staring at his iPhone screen as the shouting grew louder, local man Kyle Rankin spent his bus ride Friday morning acting as if a rapidly escalating argument between two passengers was not happening directly across the aisle from ...
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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Scientists Developing Heat-Resistant Chickens To Withstand Climate Change

Scientists at the University of Delaware are working on breeding chickens with a lack of feathers on their necks, a trait that makes them more heat-resistant, as part of an effort to create animals that can withstand climate change. What do you think?

  • “And here I was worried about climate change this whole time. I feel so stupid.”

    Erin Carmichael
    Campground Coordinator
  • “If this research leads to some kind of monstrous super-chicken that’s comfortable at all temperatures, then God help us all.”

    David Robertson
    Spa Towel Folder
  • “How much to upgrade the chicken I already got?”

    Barry Haas
    Unemployed
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