Scientists Replace Penile Tissue In Rabbits

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Vol 45 Issue 47

Nets Announce Team Is In Re-Demolition Mode

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In a continuing effort to destroy their roster and ultimately cause their team's collapse, Nets officials announced Monday that the franchise was entrenched in a long-term re-demolition process.

Several 2009 MLB Awards Clearly Thought Up On The Spot

NEW YORK—A number of players suggested to reporters Monday that, with accolades such as the AL Platinum Baseman Award and the Best Lead Off of the Year Trophy, the Baseball Writers' Association of America was almost certainly making up its year-end honors on the spot.
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Scientists Replace Penile Tissue In Rabbits

Researchers from North Carolina's Wake Forest University successfully engineered a replacement erectile tissue that, when implanted in the penises of rabbits, allowed the animals to regain full sexual function. What do you think?
  • "I'd like to hear more about this. I have a friend who's interested in potential cures for impotence. His name is Sam Bailey, and he lives in Toledo, OH."

    Teresa Diggle
    Diswashing Machine Repairer
  • "Why do all these rabbits and mice get such favorable treatment? They're always the first to receive cutting-edge cures for sexual dysfunction, weight loss, baldness, and paralysis."

    Dan Shelley
    Systems Analyst
  • "This breakthrough provides hope for every virile guy cut down in his sexual prime by accidentally slamming his erect penis in a car door."

    Ken DeVoto
    Net Maker
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