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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Scientists Replace Penile Tissue In Rabbits

Researchers from North Carolina's Wake Forest University successfully engineered a replacement erectile tissue that, when implanted in the penises of rabbits, allowed the animals to regain full sexual function. What do you think?
  • "I'd like to hear more about this. I have a friend who's interested in potential cures for impotence. His name is Sam Bailey, and he lives in Toledo, OH."

    Teresa Diggle Diswashing Machine Repairer
  • "Why do all these rabbits and mice get such favorable treatment? They're always the first to receive cutting-edge cures for sexual dysfunction, weight loss, baldness, and paralysis."

    Dan Shelley Systems Analyst
  • "This breakthrough provides hope for every virile guy cut down in his sexual prime by accidentally slamming his erect penis in a car door."

    Ken DeVoto Net Maker
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