adBlockCheck

Recent News

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
End Of Section
  • More News

Scientists To ‘Resurrect’ Giant Tortoise

Though the last living Galapagos tortoise, “Lonesome George,” died in 2012 at 100 years old, scientists are hopeful they can resurrect the extinct species and return it to its environment by breeding tortoises on nearby islands who have the closest DNA match to George. What do you think?

  • “I commend these scientists for finding such a boring way to play God.”

    Rory Copeland Synthetics Executive
  • “But if the new breed doesn’t turn out right, we’ll be living with our mistakes for another century.”

    Lola Eisley Opposition Blogger
  • “I can’t believe my letter-writing campaign to safeguard George’s sperm amounted to nothing.”

    Thad Wolz Talent Scout

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close