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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Scientists To DNA Test Bigfoot Evidence

Scientists from Oxford University have reached out to cryptozoologists to collect any purported biological evidence left behind by Sasquatches or yetis to be DNA tested. What do you think?

  • "Sure, you got a cup I could use?"

    Ron Nardiello Cracker Sprayer
  • "Seems a little mean after Bigfoot went to so much trouble to hide from us."

    Tina Daley Cloth Knot Picker
  • "You almost got me! What are they actually working on?"

    Gene Levi Coin-Vault Guard

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