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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Scooter Libby Sentenced For Lying

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby was sentenced to 30 months in prison for obstructing the Valerie Plame CIA leak investigation. What do you think?"
  • After faithfully serving the vice president, the least Cheney could do is ugly up Libby's face before his first day of prison."

    Anton Madden Package Delivery Driver
  • "That's too bad, but at least the Aryan Nations is going to get a top-notch strategist."

    Kerry De La Valle Spanish Teacher
  • "That punishment is way too lenient. He should be barred from obstructing future investigations for at least the next three years."

    Jennie Warring Bartender

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