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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Sea Otters Fight Climate Change

Researchers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, found that kelp forests were able to absorb 12 times more carbon dioxide in the presence of sea otters, a result of the aquatic mammals preying on kelp-eating sea urchins. What do you think?

  • “On top of their unflagging efforts to stem nuclear proliferation? Wow!”

    Claudio Muscarella Brass Polisher
  • “Boy, this whole climate change theory just keeps getting sillier.”

    Nash Hurlbut Collection Clerk
  • "You know what else? They hold hands when they sleep. I swear to God. They hold hands while they drift around floating on their backs, sleeping.”

    Claire Page Subtitle Writer

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