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Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

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Sea Otters Fight Climate Change

Researchers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, found that kelp forests were able to absorb 12 times more carbon dioxide in the presence of sea otters, a result of the aquatic mammals preying on kelp-eating sea urchins. What do you think?

  • “On top of their unflagging efforts to stem nuclear proliferation? Wow!”

    Claudio Muscarella Brass Polisher
  • “Boy, this whole climate change theory just keeps getting sillier.”

    Nash Hurlbut Collection Clerk
  • "You know what else? They hold hands when they sleep. I swear to God. They hold hands while they drift around floating on their backs, sleeping.”

    Claire Page Subtitle Writer

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