SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

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Vol 50 Issue 33

God Knocked Unconscious By DirectTV Satellite

THE HEAVENS—Noting that He was a little shaken but would be all right, sources confirmed Friday that the Lord God Almighty, Our Heavenly Father, was struck by a DirecTV satellite approximately 22,000 miles above earth, rendering Him unconscious for ...
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SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

After the marine park’s profits dropped precipitously amid fallout from the documentary Blackfish, which investigated the death of a trainer by a psychologically disturbed orca in captivity, SeaWorld San Diego has announced that it will double the size of the enclosures for killer whales. What do you think?

  • “Good. That should give them room to cram a few more orcas in there.”

    Ron Dotrice
    Systems Analyst
  • “Maybe they should just let the whales live in the ocean and whistle when it’s showtime.”

    Linda Perlman
    Vending Machine Filler
  • “But how will these killer whales ever learn to stop hurting innocent people if we keep rewarding them with bigger cages?”

    Ritch Shimerman
    Statistics Compiler
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