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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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SeaWorld To Expand Orca Environments

After the marine park’s profits dropped precipitously amid fallout from the documentary Blackfish, which investigated the death of a trainer by a psychologically disturbed orca in captivity, SeaWorld San Diego has announced that it will double the size of the enclosures for killer whales. What do you think?

  • “Good. That should give them room to cram a few more orcas in there.”

    Ron Dotrice Systems Analyst
  • “Maybe they should just let the whales live in the ocean and whistle when it’s showtime.”

    Linda Perlman Vending Machine Filler
  • “But how will these killer whales ever learn to stop hurting innocent people if we keep rewarding them with bigger cages?”

    Ritch Shimerman Statistics Compiler

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