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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Second Deadly Monster Truck Accident

Eight days after a 6-year-old boy was killed at a monster truck rally in Tacoma, WA, a promoter was struck and killed this weekend at a truck show in Wisconsin. What do you think?
  • "You know, I'm not sure if the prospect of a grisly public death will increase or decrease turnout among monster truck fans."

    Matt Feyen Cost Accountant
  • "Damn it, not again! If only there were some way to make them smaller."

    Samantha Popma Endodontic Sales Specialist
  • "There's no such thing as bad publicity. Unless you kill a kid. Shoot—that's some bad publicity right there."

    Travis Karenot Office Andminstrator
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