adBlockCheck

Local

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
End Of Section
  • More News

Second Deadly Monster Truck Accident

Eight days after a 6-year-old boy was killed at a monster truck rally in Tacoma, WA, a promoter was struck and killed this weekend at a truck show in Wisconsin. What do you think?
  • "You know, I'm not sure if the prospect of a grisly public death will increase or decrease turnout among monster truck fans."

    Matt Feyen Cost Accountant
  • "Damn it, not again! If only there were some way to make them smaller."

    Samantha Popma Endodontic Sales Specialist
  • "There's no such thing as bad publicity. Unless you kill a kid. Shoot—that's some bad publicity right there."

    Travis Karenot Office Andminstrator

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close