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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Second Monument Found On Stonehenge Site

Scientists studying the terrain around Stonehenge may have discovered the foundation of a wooden Stonehenge. What do you think?

  • "I was always mystified as to how an ancient people erected the megaliths of Stonehenge, but now I see they had a practice henge."

    Justin Octavius ECG Technician
  • "I'll bet you that if somebody just takes the time to look there's a wooden Statue of Liberty beneath the muck of Upper New York Bay, too."

    Lauren Dillon Projectionist
  • "Can we stop about Stonehenge? We have clocks now."

    Christopher Osborn Facilities Manager

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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