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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Secondhand TV Distracts From Playtime

A new study demonstrates that when a television is on the background, children play about 5 percent less than without, thus impeding development of their attention spans. What do you think?
  • "Good to know. That will keep my stepson from wrecking all the toys before we have our real baby."

    Brian Dannan Cultural Liaison
  • "They're only distracted because the volume is too low. If you turn it up, they can stop moving around and really focus on the TV."

    Ian Weaver Furnace Installer
  • "Should children really be playing at such a young age in the first place?"

    Christina Frewer Photographer

After Birth

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