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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Secret Service Under The Gun

In a move many fear will jeopardize future presidential security, independent counsel Kenneth Starr has subpoenaed Secret Service personnel to testify before the Monica Lewinsky grand jury. What do you think about the Secret Service breaking its code of presidential silence?
  • "We should be worrying about health care and the economy, not whether the president had sex with some Secret Service agents."

    Gilbert Morris Teacher
  • "I feel they definitely should protect the Secret Sauce. If that got out, Lord knows what would happen."

    Eileen Simms Orthopedic Surgeon
  • "I think the Secret Service should be called to testify about the activities of former president Carter. God knows what hideous things go on down there in Plains, GA."

    Richard Bavaro Systems Analyst
  • "Believe me—the Secret Service isn't telling everything they know, man. I've read enough Robert Anton Wilson to know that much."

    Duane Banks Landscaper
  • "People say making them testify will compromise the president's safety, or even national security. But to hell with that: We need to know if President Clinton had naughty sex."

    Vanessa McConkey Caterer
  • "I was talkin' with this one Secret Service guy at a rally for Charles Palantine, and he really understood me. He understood how much we need a real rain to wash all the scum off the streets."

    Randall Taylor Electrician

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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