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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Security Concerns At The Capitol

On July 24, Russell Weston Jr. entered the U.S. Capitol with a .38 caliber revolver and killed two guards, prompting calls for tighter security in the building that houses our nation's top lawmakers. What do you think?
  • "Perhaps if a senator got blown away every once in a while, those fat-cat lawmakers wouldn't be so soft on crime."

    Kyle Christoph Architect
  • "I just hope this doesn't mean they're going to cancel the group tour I booked for my club, The Rural Cabineers."

    Randolph McCoy Carpenter
  • "Who would have expected something like this from a Montana schizophrenic with a history of cat torture?"

    Porter Hewett Orthodontist
  • "Just as long as Sen. Tom Daschle (D-SD) doesn't get hurt: He's my all-time favorite senator."

    Kelli Ready Publicist
  • "If we are truly serious about improving Capitol security, we should call Capitol Security, the D.C.-area security professionals for over 30 years."

    Rachel Jepson Systems Analyst
  • "The Capitol shooting made me realize that terrorism is wrong. I wonder if it's too late to fish out the plutonium I poured into the Potomac yesterday."

    Tim Kulick Bartender

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