adBlockCheck

Security Concerns At The Capitol

Top Headlines

Politics

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Security Concerns At The Capitol

On July 24, Russell Weston Jr. entered the U.S. Capitol with a .38 caliber revolver and killed two guards, prompting calls for tighter security in the building that houses our nation's top lawmakers. What do you think?
  • "Perhaps if a senator got blown away every once in a while, those fat-cat lawmakers wouldn't be so soft on crime."

    Kyle Christoph Architect
  • "I just hope this doesn't mean they're going to cancel the group tour I booked for my club, The Rural Cabineers."

    Randolph McCoy Carpenter
  • "Who would have expected something like this from a Montana schizophrenic with a history of cat torture?"

    Porter Hewett Orthodontist
  • "Just as long as Sen. Tom Daschle (D-SD) doesn't get hurt: He's my all-time favorite senator."

    Kelli Ready Publicist
  • "If we are truly serious about improving Capitol security, we should call Capitol Security, the D.C.-area security professionals for over 30 years."

    Rachel Jepson Systems Analyst
  • "The Capitol shooting made me realize that terrorism is wrong. I wonder if it's too late to fish out the plutonium I poured into the Potomac yesterday."

    Tim Kulick Bartender

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close