adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Senate Agrees To Background Checks For Most Gun Buyers

Members of the Senate reached a bipartisan agreement yesterday to require background checks for buyers in nearly all gun purchases, though firearms sales within families or between friends would still be exempt from the requirement. What do you think?

  • “Are you telling me that if a psycho wants a gun he’ll have to go through the slight inconvenience of having to buy it from a friend?”

    Shelly Albeiz Fitting Room Supervisor
  • “Well, what if I befriend a gun store owner, and then what if the friendship becomes more important to either of us than the gun I was trying to buy? Wouldn’t that be great?”

    Dino Dimuro Unemployed
  • “Ain’t gonna stop Darryl.”

    Maurice Molitor Potato Chip Fryer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close