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Senate Approves Jobless Benefits Extension

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.
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Senate Approves Jobless Benefits Extension

Following an appointment to fill the seat of the recently deceased Robert Byrd, Senate Democrats have staved off a Republican filibuster and are set to extend unemployment benefits. What do you think?

  • "Honestly, if people are still unemployed, they really should just talk to their friends' dads. Friends' dads always have some sort of job for you."

    J.J. Reininger Sales Planner
  • "Awesome! I've been saving up my unemployment for this kick-ass 1962 Les Paul ever since I got laid off in early ’08."

    Matt Brown Purchasing Specialist
  • "I can think of no more fitting tribute to the late senator than this, a vicious party-line vote."

    Carrie Tong Cash Accountant

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