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Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

In spite of a bipartisan compromise to impose background checks for nearly all sales of firearms, the Senate failed to reach the 60-vote threshold needed to defeat a filibuster yesterday, effectively ending the federal push for gun control. What do you think?

  • “This is crazy. It’s almost as if some organization is paying them not to pass this bill.”

    Bonnie Lazarus Systems Analyst
  • “As a politician, you can’t just do whatever’s popular, pragmatic, and necessary.”

    Bart Haagensen Riveter
  • “They waited too long. Last month, all you heard was ‘Gun control! Gun control!’ Now it’s just, ‘Star Trek trailer! Star Trek trailer!’”

    Jay Stratton Gas Station Attendant

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