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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Senate Blocks All Gun Control Measures

In spite of a bipartisan compromise to impose background checks for nearly all sales of firearms, the Senate failed to reach the 60-vote threshold needed to defeat a filibuster yesterday, effectively ending the federal push for gun control. What do you think?

  • “This is crazy. It’s almost as if some organization is paying them not to pass this bill.”

    Bonnie Lazarus Systems Analyst
  • “As a politician, you can’t just do whatever’s popular, pragmatic, and necessary.”

    Bart Haagensen Riveter
  • “They waited too long. Last month, all you heard was ‘Gun control! Gun control!’ Now it’s just, ‘Star Trek trailer! Star Trek trailer!’”

    Jay Stratton Gas Station Attendant

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