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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Senate Candidate: 'God Intended' Pregnancies From Rape

During a debate last night, Richard Mourdock, a Tea Party–backed Republican Senate candidate from Indiana, said that instances of impregnation due to rape are “something that God intended to happen.” What do you think?

  • “Typical mainstream media, reporting on a Republican’s extremely offensive quote just because the guy said it.”

    Sven Bauer Veterinary Assistant
  • “That’s insulting. Everyone knows that God’s ideal method of impregnation is two consenting adults too drunk to care about using a condom.”

    Juliet Kozak Systems Analyst
  • “Boy, if we Republicans want to win this election, we have got to stop saying what we believe.”

    George Bucossi Sandstone Splitter

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