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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Senate Candidate: 'God Intended' Pregnancies From Rape

During a debate last night, Richard Mourdock, a Tea Party–backed Republican Senate candidate from Indiana, said that instances of impregnation due to rape are “something that God intended to happen.” What do you think?

  • “Typical mainstream media, reporting on a Republican’s extremely offensive quote just because the guy said it.”

    Sven Bauer Veterinary Assistant
  • “That’s insulting. Everyone knows that God’s ideal method of impregnation is two consenting adults too drunk to care about using a condom.”

    Juliet Kozak Systems Analyst
  • “Boy, if we Republicans want to win this election, we have got to stop saying what we believe.”

    George Bucossi Sandstone Splitter
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