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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republicans. What do you think?

  • “The House is going to block it? Whew, for a second there I thought the system was going to function effectively and without gridlock.”

    Vance Causey Fruit Distributor
  • “If this does pass, I can already picture illegal immigrants’ smiling faces the day they finally become legal. And boy, do they look old.”

    Keith Shannon Humidifier Attendant
  • “Wait, so one house passed it, but now another one has to approve it? Jesus, exactly how many legislative chambers are there?”

    Carolyn Badinski Systems Analyst

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