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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republicans. What do you think?

  • “The House is going to block it? Whew, for a second there I thought the system was going to function effectively and without gridlock.”

    Vance Causey Fruit Distributor
  • “If this does pass, I can already picture illegal immigrants’ smiling faces the day they finally become legal. And boy, do they look old.”

    Keith Shannon Humidifier Attendant
  • “Wait, so one house passed it, but now another one has to approve it? Jesus, exactly how many legislative chambers are there?”

    Carolyn Badinski Systems Analyst
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