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Politics

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Senate Passes Massive Food-Safety Bill

In an effort to prevent food-borne illnesses, the Senate has passed new legislation—the most comprehensive of its kind in 70 years—that would give the Food and Drug Administration more powers of inspection. What do you think?

  • "Government should just get out of the way and let the market decide how many food-borne illnesses people want."

    Phyllis Bryant Axe Sharpener
  • "I knew something like this would happen after Schumer chose The Jungle as last month's Senate Book Club selection."

    Tim Girt Systems Analyst
  • "Great. Now I'm hungry. Thanks a lot."

    Kyle Trudeau Appraiser

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