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Politics

Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Fed up with an increasing workload and problems with his coworkers at CLG Software, project coordinator William Garsten reportedly took a list of grievances Wednesday to supervisor Todd Watkins, a middle manager utterly powerless to...

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Senator Byrd The Longest-Serving Lawmaker

After more than 56 years in office, 92-year-old Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) has become the longest-serving member of Congress. What do you think?
  • "It's sad that, even today, the Senate's still the only way for a West Virginia boy to get out of the mines."

    Vicki Wiedlin Systems Analyst
  • "In 1964 he denies civil rights, then in 2008 he backs Barack Obama. Who knows how he'll feel about black people in 2052?"

    Tom Valentine Door Patcher
  • "Who is the shortest-serving member of Congress? I feel like that's the guy who needs the most encouragement."

    Joe Caffey Notch Grinder

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