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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Senator Byrd The Longest-Serving Lawmaker

After more than 56 years in office, 92-year-old Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) has become the longest-serving member of Congress. What do you think?
  • "It's sad that, even today, the Senate's still the only way for a West Virginia boy to get out of the mines."

    Vicki Wiedlin Systems Analyst
  • "In 1964 he denies civil rights, then in 2008 he backs Barack Obama. Who knows how he'll feel about black people in 2052?"

    Tom Valentine Door Patcher
  • "Who is the shortest-serving member of Congress? I feel like that's the guy who needs the most encouragement."

    Joe Caffey Notch Grinder

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