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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Senator Hillary?

Last week, Hillary Clinton said she would give "careful thought" to running for a U.S. Senate seat in New York. What do you think about the prospect of a Senator Clinton?
  • "I don't know... If she wasn't woman enough for Bill, how can she satisfy an entire district?"

    Sanjay Seter Security Guard
  • "As a strong '90s woman, I feel Hillary should definitely run for the Senate. She could totally get back at Bill that way."

    Sasha Higgins Caterer
  • "Hillary can do anything she sets her mind to. Oh, wait. No, she can't—that's Oprah."

    Felicia Griffin Florist
  • "It'd be great. That way, she wouldn't have to stop lying for at least six more years."

    Andrew Robinson Systems Analyst
  • "I'm just not sure Hillary has the drive and ambition necessary for a career in politics."

    Donald Vaught Investment Banker
  • "I would have no moral problems voting for her. After all, I'm pretty sure she never gave oral sex to the president."

    Paul Rice Driving Instructor

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