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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Serotonin Makes Locusts Swarm

A new study indicates that an increased level of serotonin—a chemical that can prevent depression in humans—causes locusts to swarm. What do you think?
  • "It makes me so mad to think that those little bastards are probably enjoying the hell out of themselves as they destroy all my corn."

    Andrea Lingel Farmer
  • "And all this time I thought locust plagues were sent by a vengeful and jealous God. Once again I have been delivered from the dark recesses of ignorance. Praise Jesus!"

    Justin Hall Personal Assistant
  • "You know, this makes sense. My buddy Craig seems pretty happy, and he's always surrounded by thousands of locusts."

    Erik Poole Systems Analyst
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