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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Serotonin Makes Locusts Swarm

A new study indicates that an increased level of serotonin—a chemical that can prevent depression in humans—causes locusts to swarm. What do you think?
  • "It makes me so mad to think that those little bastards are probably enjoying the hell out of themselves as they destroy all my corn."

    Andrea Lingel Farmer
  • "And all this time I thought locust plagues were sent by a vengeful and jealous God. Once again I have been delivered from the dark recesses of ignorance. Praise Jesus!"

    Justin Hall Personal Assistant
  • "You know, this makes sense. My buddy Craig seems pretty happy, and he's always surrounded by thousands of locusts."

    Erik Poole Systems Analyst
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