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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Sesame Street Moves To HBO

The 46th season of Sesame Street has moved from PBS to HBO and features notable format changes, such as shortening episodes to 30 minutes and designing a more upscale urban set, as well as having Oscar the Grouch live in a recycling bin rather than a garbage can. What do you think?

  • “Look, they’ve got to keep up with the times. Not as many people are living inside garbage cans these days.”

    Noah Purcell Cheese Developer
  • “At the very least, I’m proud of the residents of Sesame Street for holding out this long.”

    Claire Finnegan Sprinkle Sizer
  • “Maybe Stephen Hawking can master the alphabet in 30 minutes a day, but not my kid.”

    Karl Ebbers Jingle Producer

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