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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Shark Gives Virgin Birth

A captive hammerhead shark recently gave birth to a pup without the presence of a male. What do you think?
  • "Jesus is a SHARK?!"

    Lee Pryor Radio Engineer
  • "I am left in awe at the wonders of nature. No wait, not awe. Abject terror. Yes, that's it, abject terror."

    Nelly Perrin Teacher's Aide
  • "Maureen Dowd will be relieved: It turns out men aren't necessary. If you are a hammerhead shark, that is."

    José Manteca Dry Cleaner
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