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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Sheehan Quits Peace Movement

Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in Iraq, is leaving peace activism, citing disillusionment with the Democrats and an antiwar movement that "often puts personal egos above human life." What do you think?
  • "Good. Peace doesn't have any room for quitters."

    Carol Blakely Systems Analyst
  • "This is a huge blow to the antiwar movement. Where are they supposed to find another mother mourning the death of her child?"

    Don Wilkins Shoe Salesman
  • "That's too bad. I had a feeling she was just weeks away from achieving her goal."

    Ralph Ward Antiques Restorer

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