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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Sherpas May Add Ladder At Top Of Everest

Aiming to ease congestion and increase the number of climbers they can take to the top of the mountain, Sherpa guides are considering adding a ladder to the nearly vertical 40-foot final ascent at the peak of Mount Everest. What do you think?

  • “They want you to climb a 40-foot ladder? That’s terrifying!”

    Marley Lyster Carbon Lamp Cleaner
  • “Someone slipping off one of those icy rungs is a lawsuit just waiting to happen.”

    Brian Croughwell Offal Separator
  • "God, can these Sherpas get any lazier?”

    Erik Ruge Motorcycle Racer

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