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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Shipwreck Found In Search For MH370

The remains of a 19th-century ship have been found by search teams currently sweeping the Indian Ocean for signs of missing Malaysian Airlines flight 370, the second shipwreck the search has uncovered within the past year. What do you think?

  • “Did they check under the shipwreck?”

    Del Gordman Podcast Technician
  • “Well, I suppose as long as they’re finding lost vessels, it’s $150 million well spent.”

    Violet Keene Tourism Booster
  • “Man, they really sucked at sailing back then.”

    Wilson Poore Ant Researcher

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