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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Shirley Temple Dies At 85

Shirley Temple Black, one of the most famous child stars in Hollywood history who was featured in dozens of Depression-era films and later built a political career as a delegate to the United Nations and ambassador to Ghana, died yesterday at age 85. What do you think?

  • “Let me get this straight: Shirley Temple Black—the former ambassador to Ghana—used to be a child star?”

    Brian Walker Water Cooler Installer
  • “She’ll live on as the perfect role model for all us stage moms prematurely pushing our daughters into show business.”

    Cynthia Roberts Unemployed
  • “Shirley Temple Black? I didn’t know she got married. Good for her!”

    Declan Butler Assistant Professor
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