adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Should Boys Get HPV Vaccine?

Medical professionals are currently deciding whether using the HPV vaccine to decrease the risk of certain cancers in boys is worth the cost of the immunization treatment. What do you think?

  • "Absolutely they should! Helping kids realize their dream of low-risk, condomless sex is why I became an epidemiologist in the first place."

    Caroline Wheeler Epidemiologist
  • "This vaccine could easily be administered during a mass embarrassing physical at school."

    Matt Fingerman Window Washer
  • "What? Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but it's the woman's job to make sure she doesn't get something from the man."

    Robert Flake Sign Painter

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close