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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Should Car Phones Be Banned?

A number of public-safety groups are lobbying Congress to pass legislation banning car phones, calling them dangerous and distracting to the driver. What do you think?
  • "I couldn't concentrate on the road if I was yakking on the horn. It's distracting enough having my secretary blow me on those cross-town commutes."

    Greg Masters Veterinarian
  • "Car phones? Oh, trés passé! Everybody who's anybody communicates via car fax."

    Tad Herman Roofer
  • "I have no need for cars or phones, for I am a mollusk."

    Bob Dwyer Building Contractor
  • "Having a phone in the car has made it so much easier to swerve."

    Helen Holt Systems Analyst
  • "Talking on the phone while driving is an accident waiting to happen, so I just sit in the garage all day, waiting for calls."

    Lynette Eggert Chiropractor
  • "Car phone or no car phone, one thing is certain—I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler!"

    Rick Nielsen Carpenter

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