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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Should Car Phones Be Banned?

A number of public-safety groups are lobbying Congress to pass legislation banning car phones, calling them dangerous and distracting to the driver. What do you think?
  • "I couldn't concentrate on the road if I was yakking on the horn. It's distracting enough having my secretary blow me on those cross-town commutes."

    Greg Masters Veterinarian
  • "Car phones? Oh, trés passé! Everybody who's anybody communicates via car fax."

    Tad Herman Roofer
  • "I have no need for cars or phones, for I am a mollusk."

    Bob Dwyer Building Contractor
  • "Having a phone in the car has made it so much easier to swerve."

    Helen Holt Systems Analyst
  • "Talking on the phone while driving is an accident waiting to happen, so I just sit in the garage all day, waiting for calls."

    Lynette Eggert Chiropractor
  • "Car phone or no car phone, one thing is certain—I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler!"

    Rick Nielsen Carpenter

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