adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Should Rumsfeld Resign?

As the investigation into abuses at Abu Ghraib prison continues, some Americans are urging Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to step down. What do you think?
  • "Donald Rumsfeld can't be held responsible for the misdeeds of every last soldier who obeys his orders."

    Gary Harless Systems Analyst
  • "Firing Rumsfeld is unnecessary. If we demote him to Secretary of Health and Human Services for a while, he'll fall into line."

    Karen Heck Saleswoman
  • "If anyone has the balls to fire Rumsfeld, I say go ahead."

    Tammy Hainzlsperger Botanist
  • "Making Rumsfeld resign would be wrong, what with him being pregnant and all."

    Michael Paulson Machinist
  • "Rumsfeld should be replaced with one of those peace-loving hackysack-kicking hippies that serve as his undersecretaries."

    Joshua Anderson Clerk
  • "Look, if we start by holding one member of Bush's administration responsible for his actions, where's it all gonna end?"

    Richard Gehl Trial Lawyer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close