adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Should Sugar Be Regulated?

In a recent editorial in the journal Nature, researchers from the University of California–San Francisco suggested that as a toxic substance, sugar should be taxed and regulated like alcohol or tobacco. What do you think?

  • "The only thing I love more than drinking, smoking, and eating bad are taxes and regulations, so hell yeah!”

    Susan Matz Systems Analyst
  • "I'm sick of all this nanny-state liberalism. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go yell slurs at women outside Planned Parenthood."

    John Kensel Unemployed
  • "That’s all right. I switched to blackstrap molasses in my coffee long ago. Which got me off coffee, too."

    Robert Preston Animal Breeder
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close