adBlockCheck

International

Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Should The U.S. Help Haiti?

President Bush has ordered the deployment of 200 marines to Port-au-Prince, Haiti as part of an "interim international force" to restore stability in the region. What do you think?
  • "Why should we risk our soldiers' lives when Haiti could simply raise a voodoo army of the dead and protect themselves?"

    Daniel Young Engineer
  • "Haiti's really small. Why don't we send that 'Army Of One' I keep hearing about on television?"

    Kathleen Scott Auditing Clerk
  • "These Haitians should not be asking what America can do for them, but what they can do for America."

    Scott Lopez Fabricator
  • "I spent a week in Tahiti with this shorty I was banging last year. I know it's a different country, but I wanted people to know I was banging a shorty as recently as a year ago."

    Timothy Franks Laborer
  • "Last time I checked, the Haitians were doing a pretty good job of shooting the place up on their own."

    Andrew Hill Systems Analyst
  • "God helps countries that help themselves."

    Brenda Walker Talent Director

More from this section

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close