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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Should The U.S. Help Haiti?

President Bush has ordered the deployment of 200 marines to Port-au-Prince, Haiti as part of an "interim international force" to restore stability in the region. What do you think?
  • "Why should we risk our soldiers' lives when Haiti could simply raise a voodoo army of the dead and protect themselves?"

    Daniel Young Engineer
  • "Haiti's really small. Why don't we send that 'Army Of One' I keep hearing about on television?"

    Kathleen Scott Auditing Clerk
  • "These Haitians should not be asking what America can do for them, but what they can do for America."

    Scott Lopez Fabricator
  • "I spent a week in Tahiti with this shorty I was banging last year. I know it's a different country, but I wanted people to know I was banging a shorty as recently as a year ago."

    Timothy Franks Laborer
  • "Last time I checked, the Haitians were doing a pretty good job of shooting the place up on their own."

    Andrew Hill Systems Analyst
  • "God helps countries that help themselves."

    Brenda Walker Talent Director

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