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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Shriver, Schwarzenegger Separate

After 25 years of marriage, former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and former NBC News reporter Maria Shriver announced they are separating. What do you think?

  • “So they’ll both pay each other alimony?”

    Kal Li Racket Stringer
  • "Look, no flame burns eternal. Even the groping muscleman flame can fade."

    Zeke Totman Banking Pin Adjuster
  • "Arnold and Maria have asked for compassion and respect from the media and public during this difficult time, and I intend to comply with that request. Sorry."

    Mary Kate Pruzhanov Sales Manager

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