adBlockCheck

Recent News

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
End Of Section
  • More News

Silicone Breast Implants

An advisory panel to the Food and Drug Administration recommended that the 11-year ban on the sale of silicone breast implants be lifted. What do you think?
  • "There's absolutely nothing dangerous about silicone implants, unless they are inserted into a woman's body."

    Peter Bosniak Investment Banker
  • "The only options are sand- and water-based implants? What about air and fire implants?"

    Brian Berebbi Researcher
  • "Breast implants are a personal decision that should be left to the women—those poor, small-tattied women."

    Matthew Decoster Systems Analyst
  • "Why are you asking me if the ban on implants should be lifted? What are you implying? That my breasts are too small?"

    Michelle Magee Florist
  • "The ban should not only be lifted, but separated, as well."

    Wilma Hines Political Activist
  • "They have to lift the ban. Doctors are bound by the Hippocratic oath to do whatever they can to help people."

    Andy Rocco Line Cook

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close