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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Silicone Breast Implants

An advisory panel to the Food and Drug Administration recommended that the 11-year ban on the sale of silicone breast implants be lifted. What do you think?
  • "There's absolutely nothing dangerous about silicone implants, unless they are inserted into a woman's body."

    Peter Bosniak Investment Banker
  • "The only options are sand- and water-based implants? What about air and fire implants?"

    Brian Berebbi Researcher
  • "Breast implants are a personal decision that should be left to the women—those poor, small-tattied women."

    Matthew Decoster Systems Analyst
  • "Why are you asking me if the ban on implants should be lifted? What are you implying? That my breasts are too small?"

    Michelle Magee Florist
  • "The ban should not only be lifted, but separated, as well."

    Wilma Hines Political Activist
  • "They have to lift the ban. Doctors are bound by the Hippocratic oath to do whatever they can to help people."

    Andy Rocco Line Cook

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