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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Six Flags To Feature Virtual Reality Roller Coasters

This spring, Six Flags will roll out North America’s first virtual reality roller coasters, in which riders will wear VR headsets that simulate the earth’s battle with alien invaders. What do you think?



  • “Will everyone please just stop trying to immerse me in things all the time?”

    Richard Lohber Trowel Artisan
  • “It’s amazing how science is constantly discovering new ways to make me vomit on strangers.”

    Maude Travers Conference Scheduler
  • “But who will see how brave I am when I let go of the bar and wave my arms above my head?”

    Gil Fiorello Denim Embroiderer

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