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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Six Flags To Feature Virtual Reality Roller Coasters

This spring, Six Flags will roll out North America’s first virtual reality roller coasters, in which riders will wear VR headsets that simulate the earth’s battle with alien invaders. What do you think?



  • “Will everyone please just stop trying to immerse me in things all the time?”

    Richard Lohber Trowel Artisan
  • “It’s amazing how science is constantly discovering new ways to make me vomit on strangers.”

    Maude Travers Conference Scheduler
  • “But who will see how brave I am when I let go of the bar and wave my arms above my head?”

    Gil Fiorello Denim Embroiderer

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