adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
End Of Section
  • More News

Skyrocketing TV-Star Salaries

Next year, Helen Hunt will earn $1 million per episode of Mad About You. NBC offered Jerry Seinfeld $3 million per episode to continue Seinfeld. What do you think about the recent explosion in television stars' salaries?
  • "I know it's a lot of money, but come on: Those TV shows are fuckin' great."

    Richard Strom Science Teacher
  • "Mark my words–Americans will soon tire of the trash that is television and turn once more to classical Greek theatre, moved to laughter and tears as they discover that gods still haunt the proscenium."

    Christine Kosta Graduate Student
  • "These television stars are overpaid no-talents who don't deserve a fraction of the money they're getting. Except that one guy on The Sentinel."

    Allan Holcomb Interpreter
  • "Anyone who questions whether TV stars are worth the money they're getting obviously hasn't watched Moesha."

    Tina Alt Legal Secretary
  • "One million dollars is a fair price to pay Helen Hunt for that episode where she gave birth. That had to hurt like hell."

    Greg Stallings Systems Analyst
  • "If we don't pay top dollar to make our television the best it can be, it is the children of America who will ultimately suffer."

    Ryan Schu Firefighter
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close