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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Skyrocketing TV-Star Salaries

Next year, Helen Hunt will earn $1 million per episode of Mad About You. NBC offered Jerry Seinfeld $3 million per episode to continue Seinfeld. What do you think about the recent explosion in television stars' salaries?
  • "I know it's a lot of money, but come on: Those TV shows are fuckin' great."

    Richard Strom Science Teacher
  • "Mark my words–Americans will soon tire of the trash that is television and turn once more to classical Greek theatre, moved to laughter and tears as they discover that gods still haunt the proscenium."

    Christine Kosta Graduate Student
  • "These television stars are overpaid no-talents who don't deserve a fraction of the money they're getting. Except that one guy on The Sentinel."

    Allan Holcomb Interpreter
  • "Anyone who questions whether TV stars are worth the money they're getting obviously hasn't watched Moesha."

    Tina Alt Legal Secretary
  • "One million dollars is a fair price to pay Helen Hunt for that episode where she gave birth. That had to hurt like hell."

    Greg Stallings Systems Analyst
  • "If we don't pay top dollar to make our television the best it can be, it is the children of America who will ultimately suffer."

    Ryan Schu Firefighter
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