Sleep Improves With Age

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Sleep

Sleep Improves With Age

A new study from the University of Pennsylvania concluded that sleep improves with age. What do you think?

  • “How about the time spent awake? At what point does that not suck shit?”

    Tyler Sorum
    Systems Analyst
  • “That’s convenient. Because I’ve got a jam-packed schedule till I’m 63.”

    Andrea Gill
    Box-Lining-Machine Feeder
  • “Wow, just like sex. That’s right, we’re all still having sex and it is very satisfying and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.”

    Chuck Burston
    Table Hand