Sleep Improves With Age

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Sleep Improves With Age

A new study from the University of Pennsylvania concluded that sleep improves with age. What do you think?

  • “How about the time spent awake? At what point does that not suck shit?”

    Tyler Sorum
    Systems Analyst
  • “That’s convenient. Because I’ve got a jam-packed schedule till I’m 63.”

    Andrea Gill
    Box-Lining-Machine Feeder
  • “Wow, just like sex. That’s right, we’re all still having sex and it is very satisfying and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.”

    Chuck Burston
    Table Hand