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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Sleep Loss Can Cause Brain Damage

A study published this week in the journal Neuroscience found that inconsistent sleep patterns, including not sleeping enough and sleeping erratic hours, can result in an irreversible loss of brain neurons. What do you think?

  • “Great. Now I’ll be up all night thinking about this.”

    William Frank Generator Operator
  • “Sure, but what you lose in neurons you make up for with the implication that you work harder than everyone else and are superior in every way.”

    Lorey Ryan Systems Analyst
  • “So now I’m both sleepy and stupid?”

    David Burrit Tennis Instructor

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