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Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers Prompts FAA Action

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options
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Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers Prompts FAA Action

After several recent cases of air traffic controllers falling asleep on the job—including one incident that delayed the landing of a medical flight—the Federal Aviation Administration announced it was adding more overnight controllers at 27 towers. What do you think?

  • "An air traffic controller fell asleep at Ronald Reagan National Airport? I thought he fired all those lazy union bums."

    Diane May
    Systems Analyst
  • "It's a real Catch-22. If their job were more exciting, then they wouldn't fall asleep. But if they didn't fall asleep, then they wouldn't misdirect planes and make them crash. Catch-22."

    David Taylor
    Unemployed
  • "Lucky them. I can never sleep through a flight."

    Ward Deacon
    Salesman

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