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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers Prompts FAA Action

After several recent cases of air traffic controllers falling asleep on the job—including one incident that delayed the landing of a medical flight—the Federal Aviation Administration announced it was adding more overnight controllers at 27 towers. What do you think?

  • "An air traffic controller fell asleep at Ronald Reagan National Airport? I thought he fired all those lazy union bums."

    Diane May Systems Analyst
  • "It's a real Catch-22. If their job were more exciting, then they wouldn't fall asleep. But if they didn't fall asleep, then they wouldn't misdirect planes and make them crash. Catch-22."

    David Taylor Unemployed
  • "Lucky them. I can never sleep through a flight."

    Ward Deacon Salesman

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