adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Slobodan Milosevic Dead

Former Serbian leader Slobodan Milosevic died in prison before a verdict in his four-year trial for genocide and war crimes could be rendered. What do you think?
  • "Justice is finally done…or will be done after we kill him tens of thousands more times."

    Marco Argiro Folk Dancer
  • "It's too bad. I had the funniest story to tell at his trial."

    Jessica Blanch Architect
  • "I won't be shedding any tears. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for ethnic cleansing, I was just born without tear ducts."

    Phillip Gabriel Portrait Photographer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close