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Smallpox Destruction Delayed

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

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After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

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Smallpox Destruction Delayed

The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus. What do you think?

  • "I can relate. It's like you should have put away the Christmas decorations by now, but they're just so pretty."

    Cody Toussaint Keying Machine Operator
  • "Shouldn't be a problem. That one really good, careful forklift driver doesn't retire until 2015."

    Louis Kador Unemployed
  • "As long as there remain pesky indigenous peoples who threaten the expansion of the European Protestant lifestyle, it's probably best to maintain a few vials and a stockpile of blankets."

    Carol Spellman Archivist

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