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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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‘Smart Mannequins’ Tell Shoppers About Clothes They’re Wearing

Department stores in London are testing out new high-tech mannequins capable of telling shoppers what merchandise they’re wearing by sending pictures of the clothing and prices to nearby cell phones, allowing people to shop without talking to actual salespeople. What do you think?

  • “I could’ve used that mannequin the other day when I couldn’t decide if I should buy that Angry Birds shirt.”

    Joe Deason Building Imploder
  • “That’s great! Ordinarily, you’d have to learn about what clothing a mannequin is wearing by looking at the sales rack right next to the mannequin.”

    Lynn Palladino Art Historian
  • “I prefer the human interaction of disappointing a flesh-and-blood salesperson who was counting on a commission.”

    Chris Feld Laptop Screen Repairer

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