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Smarter Women Less Likely To Have Kids

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Smarter Women Less Likely To Have Kids

According to new research, women who are more intelligent are less likely to want children, with researchers finding that a woman’s urge to have a baby diminished by 25 percent for every 15-point increase in her IQ. What do you think?

  • “As a strong, intelligent woman, I plan on getting pregnant tonight just to prove this offensive study wrong.”

    Starla Hurley Game Warden
  • “Eh, who needs their genetic advantage anyway?”

    Randy Fields Plasma Arc Welder
  • “I’ve never thought of my mother as a dimwit until now.”

    Seth Faustino Helicopter Dispatcher

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