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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Smoke Alarms May Fail To Wake Children

Studies show that many children do not wake up for smoke alarms, a special concern over the holidays. What do you think?
  • "Kids are so spoiled. In my day, if we ignored the fire alarm, we burned to death!"

    Ted Hart Gift Wrapper
  • "My wife and I believe it's more dependable to stand on the lawn and scream 'My baby is still up there!'"

    Andy Toomin Carpet Layer
  • "That reminds me. I think the batteries for that thing are in the flashlight right now."

    Sally Carmichael Genealogist
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