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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Smoking Ads Ineffective

According to the American Journal of Public Health, children age 12-17 had stronger intentions to smoke more after viewing ads encouraging parents to talk to their children about smoking. What do you think?
  • “I'm appalled when I think back to all those heartfelt discussions I had with my kids about the cool fresh taste of Salem Menthol Lights.”

    Joel Meyer
    Gunsmith
  • “Interesting. After reading the findings of this study, I have a strong urge to ignore them.”

    Cathy Wegman
    Systems Analyst
  • “Any chance they’ll start airing PSAs where parents tell their kids not to date the 50-year-old guy who works the night shift at Stop & Shop?”

    Brian Plumber
    Cashier
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