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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Smoking And The Movies

The Clinton Administration recently took Hollywood to task for the rise in on-screen portrayals of smoking. What do you think about cigarettes and cinema?
  • "If people see characters smoking in movies, it's only a matter of time before we start to see people smoking in real life."

    Sharon Wayne Speech Pathologist
  • "I say, down with smoking, and up with gender- positive portrayals of anthropomorphic squirrels in animated musicals."

    Matt Reiderer Construction Worker
  • "I started smoking at age 13 after seeing my Uncle Abe's glamorous portrayal of smoking in my Bar Mitzvah video."

    David Pinsky Orthodontist
  • "Doesn't anyone know those are just prop cigarettes used in the movies?"

    Chet Billups Systems Analyst
  • "Hollywood needs a few more people like Kevin Costner, who in 1995's Waterworld took a rare, heroic stand against the evil Smokers."

    Adrienne Elson Guidance Counselor
  • "Movies need to stop entertaining and start educating."

    Paul Dougan Realtor

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