Smoking And The Movies

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.
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Smoking And The Movies

The Clinton Administration recently took Hollywood to task for the rise in on-screen portrayals of smoking. What do you think about cigarettes and cinema?
  • "If people see characters smoking in movies, it's only a matter of time before we start to see people smoking in real life."

    Sharon Wayne Speech Pathologist
  • "I say, down with smoking, and up with gender- positive portrayals of anthropomorphic squirrels in animated musicals."

    Matt Reiderer Construction Worker
  • "I started smoking at age 13 after seeing my Uncle Abe's glamorous portrayal of smoking in my Bar Mitzvah video."

    David Pinsky Orthodontist
  • "Doesn't anyone know those are just prop cigarettes used in the movies?"

    Chet Billups Systems Analyst
  • "Hollywood needs a few more people like Kevin Costner, who in 1995's Waterworld took a rare, heroic stand against the evil Smokers."

    Adrienne Elson Guidance Counselor
  • "Movies need to stop entertaining and start educating."

    Paul Dougan Realtor


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