Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

A study published in Archives Of General Psychiatry found that middle-aged men who smoked had diminished cognitive skills, the equivalent of having aged an additional 10 years. What do you think?

  • "Oh God, these cigarettes are terrible for me!"

    Mindy Brzinski
    Systems Analyst
  • "I guess it's only a matter of time before the FDA starts putting horrific pictures of morons on cigarette boxes."

    Frank Robinson
    Fugue Operator
  • "It's really sad that so many men who should be at their peak TV-watching years won't be able to figure out how to make the remote work."

    Melvin Wolfe
    Loom Repairman