Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

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Vol 48 Issue 06

16 and Present

MTV 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST A bad case of the cramps threatens Gina's perfect attendance record.

The Dr. Oz Show

NBC 4 p.m. EST/3 a.m. CST Dr. Oz surprises everyone in the studio audience with free defibrillators.

Nonindigenous Larry Crosses State Lines

CINCINNATI—People in the greater Cincin­nati area reported multiple sightings of a non­indigenous Larry on Wednesday, leading officials from the Ohio Department of Natural Resources to conclude the outsider may have crossed state lines and t...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comedy

Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

A study published in Archives Of General Psychiatry found that middle-aged men who smoked had diminished cognitive skills, the equivalent of having aged an additional 10 years. What do you think?

  • "Oh God, these cigarettes are terrible for me!"

    Mindy Brzinski
    Systems Analyst
  • "I guess it's only a matter of time before the FDA starts putting horrific pictures of morons on cigarette boxes."

    Frank Robinson
    Fugue Operator
  • "It's really sad that so many men who should be at their peak TV-watching years won't be able to figure out how to make the remote work."

    Melvin Wolfe
    Loom Repairman
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