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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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Snacking May Help Minimize Spousal Conflict

In a new study, researchers found that having a quick snack to raise blood sugar made subjects less “hangry,” a combination of “hungry” and “angry,” which means snacking may help diminish disputes with one’s spouse. What do you think?

  • “But most of our fights are about who ate all the snacks.”

    Sean Kubler Tour Guide Interpreter
  • “That’s why I try to throw Bugles into her mouth when I think she’s about to yell at me.”

    Alex Berfield Head Start Director
  • “I think I read this earlier in the Journal Of Snickers Commercials.”

    Danielle Tarantini WAN Administrator

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