adBlockCheck

Sniper Suspect Rehires Lawyers

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Sniper Suspect Rehires Lawyers

Sniper suspect John Allen Muhammad stopped acting as his own attorney last week and rehired his lawyers. What do you think?
  • "This is the only way for the sniping, serial-killer wacko to receive a fair trial. I'm sorry, alleged sniping, serial-killer wacko."

    Samuel Riegel Systems Analyst
  • "His decision to represent himself might have proved as disastrously unwise as his decision to shoot all those people."

    Jeff Campbell Optometrist
  • "As long as he's found guilty, justice will have been served."

    Leslie Meisel Secretary
  • "I know where he's coming from. I tried to treat myself for colon cancer. But after a few months, I turned to a pro."

    Oliver Ralli Securities Agent
  • "It's wise to hire a lawyer. I defended myself in small-claims court against a carpet-cleaning business. Result: eight years in a maximum-security penitentiary."

    David McKeel Dishwasher
  • "He should've had a little fun representing himself in court, before he fries like a batter-dipped cod for what he did."

    Ellen Newell Audiologist

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close