Soda Consumption Falls To Lowest Level Since 1996

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Vol 49 Issue 13

Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

An aquarium unveils its new 'Floating Carcasses of the Pacific' exhibit, a guy with 10,000 tweets and 15 followers is about ready to hang it up, and a local father buys string cheese to make coming to his house more fun. It's the week of March 29, 2013.

Arizona Gun Advocates Launch Free Shotgun Giveaway

A group funded by local gun enthusiasts’ donations announced plans to provide free shotguns to citizens in troubled sections of Tucson, AZ, the site of the 2011 mass shooting that left former congresswoman Gabby Giffords severely wounded.
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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Soda Consumption Falls To Lowest Level Since 1996

According to new data from the trade publication Beverage Digest, Americans purchased 9.17 billion cases of soda in 2012, the lowest level of sales since 1996. What do you think?

  • “If we keep comparing everything to 1996 we’ll never be happy.”

    Anita Deon
    Termite Exterminator
  • “No wonder we’re all so healthy and energetic.”

    Vince Sterling
    Fuse Assembler
  • “Don’t blame me. I’m still drinking a shitload of soda.”

    Todd Edelman
    Bicycle Inspector
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